There is a candle in your heart, waiting to be kindled…
you feel it, don’t you?
- Rumi
My mission is to bring my hands, my heart, and my curiosity out to play with yours. I’m here to join you on your journey as you reconnect with your Self and help you find your way to balanced, authentic, intimate relationships with others through the healing work of Surrogate Partner Therapy.
What is this work about?
SPT is a type of relationship and intimacy work that supports a client who is already seeing a talk therapist for support in the areas of exploration, connection, and sexuality. When someone reaches the point in their healing where talk therapy is no longer enough and they need a partner to practice with and learn from, their therapist may bring in a Surrogate Partner to collaborate in a “triadic model” in service of the client’s goals.
In the triadic model of therapy, a client meets separately with their care team; sessions with the therapist for setting goals and processing what comes up, and sessions with the surrogate for exploring and practicing. Between client sessions, the surrogate and the therapist continue to collaborate in support of the client’s goals.
Since knowing how to do something is very different from experiencing it, working with a Surrogate Partner brings a somatic understanding of healing and growth that goes beyond talk therapy in order to work out the hows and whys of relationship intimacy. The relationship between client and surrogate is based on mutual trust and communication and creates a safe container for exploring together what healthy connection and genuine intimacy can look like.
What can this work do for me?
SPT is a little-known therapeutic modality for people who are struggling with shame, lack of experience, impacts of disability or neurodivergence, sexual ‘dysfunction’, performance anxiety, changes around sexual or gender identity, or a history of trauma. Through curiosity and openness, we use body-based experiential work to heal your relationship with your Self and your body, and the ways that shows up in your relationships with others. Some things will be challenging, some things will come smoothly, and all of it moves you closer to a more intimate and authentic Self while you unlearn what you’ve been told and discover new ways of creating and embodying intimacy.
The surrogate-client relationship is a safe and loving space for mindful work that builds skills for navigating real-life relationships in ways that honor your needs and potential. There are no wrong answers – just new questions to delve into. From our first hello to an eventual caring, respectful, intentional ending, we’ll walk together on your journey of healing and discovery.
Traditionally, SPT has been for unpartnered people, but I find that with consent of all involved, this work can be lovely and loving for everyone. If you and your partner (or partners) have sexuality or intimacy challenges that you’d like to approach as a team, I’d love to talk with you and your therapist(s) about how I can support you in your work toward your shared goals.
Is this work legal?
This is a great question. SPT is a therapeutic modality with specific goals and always practiced in collaboration with a referring clinician, not hiring someone for sex. The outdated term of “sex surrogate” is no longer in use because of its misleading implications of prostitution, allowing us to reframe the conversation around our modern focus on healing and growth. All practicing Surrogate Partners are required to be trained and certified through a recognized school to ensure that ethical and legal standards are maintained. My training and internship are through Surrogate Partner Collective.
It’s important to note that there are no laws against Surrogate Partner Therapy in any state in the US. In fact, in 1997 Kamala Harris, then the California State Attorney General, was asked about the legality of SPT. Her reply was “If it’s between consensual adults and referred by licensed therapists and doesn’t involve minors, then it’s not illegal.”
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
- Mary Oliver
Logistics
I see clients in both the Seattle and Spokane areas, and am also available to travel to you nationwide. My hourly rate is $210; please note that insurance currently does not cover SPT, but I do offer a sliding scale in some instances when that may make the work more accessible to you.
How the Triadic Model of Surrogate Partner Therapy works:
